036. 28 march 1977

[alotofgood]

James has been sleeping in the Common Room for the whole night. He didn't want to see Sirius anymore, not after discovering what the fucking git did to him; and quite frankly, it hurt to move.

He shifts in the considerably uncomfortable armchair he only half-remembers settling into last night, after the fist-fight and the black-eye and the – he winces – cut lip.

He gingerly straightens, his neck and his shoulders making quiet cracking sounds, sharp pains shooting every which way in reaction.

Merlin's Fucking Beard, he feels like shit.

Not just physically, of course, but mentally too. He remembers now, just why he'd even gotten into a fight at all.

Fuck.

Lily is going to be so angry.

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[lilium_evansiae]

Gryffindor Tower is really just starting to stir when Lily comes downstairs.


Yesterday had been awful, and Hogwarts being Hogwarts, she bets everyone knows what happened now.

And, sure, avoiding people is not going to work once it's time to go to Charms class, but she should at least be able to get to breakfast before anyone else is up.

... or not.

[alotofgood]

"Lily."

His voice comes out sounding like he'd swallowed an army of frogs.

It sounds horrible.

He feels horrible.

And he probably looks horrible. (And ... smells horrible.)

He clears his throat and leaps out of his armchair, nearly tripping over his loosened shoelaces (when did that happen?) to get to her.

"Lily — I'm so sorry."

[lilium_evansiae]

Lily doesn't meet his eyes, focusing instead on a very interesting spot on the floor.

She opens her mouth like she's going to say something, and then closes it again.

Because she doesn't actually have any idea what to say.

[alotofgood]

"I'm sorry," James repeats, licking his lips.

And tasting blood.

(When did that happen?)

"I just —"

No. No excuses will make up for the fact that he simply wasn't there yesterday, when he should have been.

Why did he allow Sirius to take the reins on the firewhiskey ordeal? Why did he have to be so stupid?

"I'm sorry, Lily. Please say something."

[lilium_evansiae]

"I don't know what to say," Lily says.

"I ...

"It was your birthday, yesterday, James, and I didn't even see you."

And no, no excuses will make up for that fact.

But she is probably entitled to an explanation.

[alotofgood]

James nods.

"I know," he says, letting out a breath and running a hand through his hair.

Which has somehow managed to stand up on end a little more disheveled than usual.

(When did — oh, sod it.)

"I know, and I'm sorry.

"Can I — can I at least explain?"

[lilium_evansiae]

"Yeah, I think you'd better."

[alotofgood]

"Right.

"Sirius thought it'd be brilliant to sort of ... I dunno, give me a 'look back at the good times' we had as just the Marauders.

"When I woke up yesterday morning, I honestly didn't expect to see Sirius looking so much like Sirius, you know? Grinning, happy, mischievous sparkle in his eye. So I told him, 'All right — that sounds grand, let's do it, so long as I get back by the afternoon' knowing I was going to meet you too."

He coughs, not quite realizing how 1) bad a headache he's getting and 2) dry his throat suddenly is.

"After breakfast and a game of Quidditch, Sirius took us all drinking. And I only meant to have the one drink, but one turned into ... Merlin knows how many and —"

He rubs his face, ashamed, wincing when he realizes his hand hurts a hell of a lot.

"And then we stumbled back here afterward. I lost track of time. We all did. Well, except Sirius." His expression darkens. "Turns out the stupid git had this whole thing planned all along.

"I don't understand what his problem is."

[lilium_evansiae]

Isn't it obvious?

His problem is Lily.

"So ... you got completely pissed, and you stood me up, and you missed your own birthday party? Fair summary, would you say?"

[alotofgood]

James looks appropriately shamefaced.

He nods.

"... yeah. I — I suppose it is.

"I'm the worst person in the world.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

[lilium_evansiae]

"Yeah, well, you should be," Lily says.

And then she sighs.

"So what happens now?"

[alotofgood]

"Anything you want me to do, I'll do it," James says immediately.

Seriously.

Anything to make her stop looking so disappointed and upset at him.

[lilium_evansiae]

Lily studies him for a moment.

There are a lot of things she could say here.

She could tell him exactly how hurt and embarrassed and upset she was. She could storm off, make him chase after her. She could act wounded and offended and melodramatic and out-Herod Herod on all of it. She could make James feel even worse than he clearly already does.

She could. It wouldn't be hard, because she is hurt and embarrassed and upset. Part of her even kind of wants to.

But only 'part'. And only 'kind of'.

Because, really, what's the point? James knows he messed up. James is sorry. He's apologized, and there's no changing what happened yesterday. So if she decides to act -- well, let's call a spade a spade and say like some kind of shrew ... all Lily really does is make herself feel worse, make her boyfriend feel worse, and give Sirius Black exactly what he wants.

And the only way you can deal with the kind of game Black has started here is to refuse to play it.

"Right," Lily says, finally. "Here's what going to happen.

"You're going go upstairs, where you have exactly fifteen minutes to make yourself look -- and smell -- presentable. No, not presentable -- good. Birthday good. First date good. And then you are going to come back downstairs and take me to breakfast. Because there is probably going to be a fair bit of talk about yesterday, and we are going to face it together.

"You might be taking me to lunch and supper, too. I haven't decided yet.

"You are going to carry my bag to all of my classes all week, no matter how many extra books I decide to put in it.

"You are going to brush your teeth -- twice -- before the next time you kiss me.

"And you are going to promise me that nothing like this will ever happen again, James."

[alotofgood]

For a moment, all James can do is stand where he is ... and stare.

He didn't know what to expect, but this was not it.

"Right," he finally manages to say, licking his lips and clearing his throat.

He nods.

"Right. Yes. I'll do all of that, absolutely.

"And I promise, I really do promise, that nothing like this will ever happen again, Lily. I mean it."

[lilium_evansiae]

"All right, then," Lily says.

It's not quite forgotten yet, but it is forgiven.

She'll work on the forgetting.

(This time.)

Lily reaches forward and very carefully touches James' lip.

"What happened here?"

[alotofgood]

It is to James' credit that he doesn't wince when she does.

No matter how gentle she is, it still stings.

The adrenaline of his begging Lily's forgiveness made him momentarily forget that.

"When I found out what he did ... things got a bit ugly. Sirius punched me in the face," James says. "Nearly gave me a black eye but this happened instead."

James gave him a black eye, though.

He would have given him two if he could.

[lilium_evansiae]

Lily eyes drop from his mouth to the bruises on his knuckles.

"How badly did you hurt your hand this time?"

[alotofgood]

"Well, it hurts a whole lot less than it did when I broke Regulus' nose."

James pauses.

"What is it with the Blacks? It's like they're all trying to get me to fight them."

[lilium_evansiae]

"I don't know, James," Lily says.

"Maybe it's a hidden family talent.

"Can you move your fingers and all?"

[alotofgood]

"Yeah. It's just a bit sore, is all."

James demonstrates, by flexing his hand.

... and okay. He might've twitched a little there.

[lilium_evansiae]

Lily nods.

She will take his word for it.

"All right.

"Fifteen minutes, then."

Don't be late, James.

[alotofgood]

"Right. Fifteen minutes," James repeats, before he heads up to the boys' dormitory without delay.

He kicks off his shoes as soon as he enters the room, scrambles about for a clean set of robes, and heads to the shower.

If any of his roommates wake up, he certainly doesn't notice them.

He cannot fuck things up.